After a hotly-contested bidding round, Shpilkes was able to secure the contract after offering to supply his services to all Republican candidates through a volume discount.
Girnt Shpilkes, Chairman and CEO of Shpilkes Discount Marketing, said the promotional campaigns have begun in earnest.
Slogans have been developed for each of the candidates, and will be rolling out in nationwide print and electronic media during the next two weeks.
The slogans:
Ben Carson
"Being President is just like being a surgeon. Sometimes the patient is not going to make it!"
Chris Christie
"Hand over your lunch money, you little punk!"
Ted Cruz
"I'll have the Presidency with some fava beans and a nice chianti!"
Jim Gilmore
"What's my name! I mean seriously ... I'm asking ... what's my name?"
Lindsey Graham
"Hush my mouth!"
Carly Fiorina
"I drove Hewlett Packard into the ground; I can drive America to greatness!"
Bobby Jindahl
"The odds are good, but the goods are odd!"
John Kasich
"I look moderate now, don't I?"
Mike Huckabee
"Somebody's got to make Jeb look smart!"
George Pataki
"Yes, he's still alive!"
Rand Paul
"Not as dumb as he sounds!"
Rick Perry
"Feel the Oops!"
Marco Rubio
"Thirsty for success!"
Rick Santorum
"HELLO! ... hello ... hello ... hello ..."
Donald Trump
"Yes, it's my hair ... my brain is just providing too much fertilizer!"
Scott Walker
"An you thought Ted Cruz was unethical!"
Jeb Bush
"JEB! JEB? JEB!?!"
The campaign already shows the hallmarks of a Shpilkes effort: the smattering of quality, the limited use of fonts, and liberal use of exclamation points.
As with the 2012 election, Shpilkes' expenses are being covered by the Democratic National Committee.
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