Mayor Urges Calm After Industrial Spill

Siouxland citizens were reassured by Mayor Flannel at an emergency town meeting Tuesday night.

It was discovered Monday that PopPop's Pop Bottling Company had accidentally released 10,000 gallons of fresh water into the Floyd River.

The spill is expected to double the concentration of dihydrogen monoxide in the Floyd.


Mayor Flannel noted that there are no near-term health effects from the spill and that storm drains throughout the city have been opened in an attempt to return the waterway to its natural state.

Remediation will be aided by the upstream cheese sludge spill. 

City officials expect the return of the characteristic color and smell within a week.

Onawa Police Monitor Political Rally

Tensions ran high in Monona County yesterday when Mark Jacobs, candidate for Iowa's Senate seat, visited the county seat of Onawa.

Locals feared an outbreak of political protest similar to recent demonstrations in the Ukraine and Argentina.





The entire Onawa Police force was activated and monitored the events from the front booths at the Onawa Cafe.  The Blencoe Police Force was called in to provide reinforcement.

The following video shows the rally in its entirety. (Click HERE if you don't see the video below)

 

Correction:  An earlier version of this story reported "Mark Jacobs supporters turned out in droves."   It should have read "a Mark Jacobs supporter drove by."  We regret the error.

Memorial Service Held for Staff Member Bogo

A Memorial Service was held yesterday for Bogo the Wonder Chimp, former Copy Editor and Proofreeder for the Sioux City Pre-Intelligencer.  The service was held during the regularly-scheduled lunch hour in the Pre-Intelligencer break room

Bogo has been missing since Sunday afternoon, the 23rd of February. Bogo joined the staff earlier this year.  His career included similar assignments at a number of news sources, including the Onawa Democrat and Fox News Online.

All the Pre-Intelligencer staff participated in the service.

Molly Dibnum, Columnist,  began the hour by singing her own composition, accompanying herself on the accordion.  Her performance brought forth many a tear, especially the last verse:

"And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a monkey in the wind
Never knowing how to spell "you're"
Or put commas in..."

Perry Fard, Religion Editor read a short passage from Wikipedia explaining the difference between chimpanzees and monkeys.

Although Second Assistant Editor-In-Chief Sarah Anchorage could not attend, she arranged for a cake for the service.  Sarah also sent a text, confirming that Bogo's name would continue to be carried on the masthead in honor of his months of service.

Business Editor Girnt Shpilkes concluded the service by reading a press release announcing the new TeleDentistry service from Willbury Medical Supplies.

The staff would like to thank Willbury Medical Supplies for waiving the coffee contribution requirement during the service.

SCP-I Editor on Hiatus

Sarah Anchorage, Politics and Fashion Editor and Second Assistant Editor-In-Chief will be out the office during the week of February 24th, due to a death in the family.  In her absence, please contact Flain Douglas with any inquiries.

Sarah is expected to return next week.

Little Known Facts! Around the Home

by Molly Dibnum-Sioux City Pre-Intelligencer Columnist

A shout-out to our own Sarah Anchorage for today's fascinating Little Known Facts!

• The adult human body contains about 5 quarts of blood.  An adult chimpanzee has only about 3 quarts.

• If placed in a well-sealed vacuum bag, meat will last over two years in the freezer.

• To remove pet hair from washable garments, add 1/2 cup of white distilled vinegar to your washer's rinse cycle.  This helps the fabric fibers relax and release the hair.

• To clean and "freshen" your butcher block, use a solution of  1/2 cup peroxide, 1 cup water and a tablespoon of dish detergent. Scrub with a soft brush and let dry overnight.

 Kudos, Sarah!

Bogo the Wonder Chimp Missing: Feared Missing

Exclusive to the Sioux City Pre-Intelligencer

by Flain Douglas, Cub Reporter
Sunday, February 23, 2014

Chief Copy Editor and Proofreeder of the Sioux City Pre-Intelligencer Bogo the Wonder Chimp was reported missing today after he did not appear for the start of his shift.  Calls to his apartment went unanswered.

Bogo joined the staff earlier this year.  His career included similar assignments at a number of news sources, including the Onawa Democrat and Fox News Online.

Sarah Anchorage, Second Assistant Editor In Chief of the Pre-Intelligencer expressed concern.

"We noticed that Bogo seemed depressed the last few weeks, and mistakes were creeping into his work.  We hope that nothing serious has happened to him.

"We have every hope that Bogo will return to work soon and that there is a simple explanation for his disappearance.

"However, just in case we're wrong, we are planning a memorial service for him on Monday."

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Little Known Facts! Pope Ditalini

By Molly Dibnum-Sux P-I Columnist

His Holiness, Pope Ditalini

One of the early clerics in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, His Holiness, Pope Ditalini, was the first gluten-free Pope.