NSA Found NOT Monitoring Pre-Intelligencer: Company Demands Answers

Investigative reports have confirmed that that National Security Agency (NSA) has not been monitoring the offices or staff of the Sioux City Pre-Intelligencer.

The NSA manages a surveillance program that captures and analyzes the phone calls, emails, texts, Tweets, and video game activities of virtually every United States citizen.  For reasons unknown, the Pre-Intelligencer has been ignored by the NSA.

Reaction to this news by the senior management of the journal was swift and heated.

Bob Buttwinder, Senior Counsel to the Pre-Intelligencer issued a statement this afternoon.

"Speaking for the Sioux City Pre-Intelligencer, we find it inexcusable that we should have been passed over in this intelligence campaign.  The ownership and staff of the journal should be considered just as suspicious as any other citizen of this great country.

"Since the NSA is spying on every other news source in the U.S., how embarrassing it would be to miss a "red flag" originating in Siouxland.   There is always the possibility that the Pre-Intelligencer may run a story of nation interest, or be chosen as a conduit by a highly-placed administration leaker.

"We demand that the NSA take immediate steps to include the Sioux City Pre-Intelligencer in its monitoring program."

 In an interview exclusive to the Pre-Intelligencer, Buttwinder said he intends to seek a legal remedy to this situation.

"Tomorrow, I will be filing a complaint with the Woodbury County Small Claims Court.  As we speak, my staff are researching legaldocs.com to determine the best approach for our suit."