Bellow Statements Spark Strong Reactions

Responses to Senate Candidate Wright Bellow's incendiary statements came from all corners of society:

The Vatican:
Pope Francis held a special mass yesterday for the soul of candidate Bellow.

Fox News:
Both Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly addressed the furor in their commentary yesterday.  O'Reilly characterized the comments as "sub-human".  Echoing his early intentions to move out of New York, Hannity plans to leave the continent.

Family:
Bellow's parents, Don Bellow and Iris Yurname, have initiated legal proceedings to disown their son.

The White House:
In reaction to Bellow's town-hall speech, the President has declared tomorrow a National Day of Revulsion.

Although only about 200 people heard Bellow's comments first-hand, it is possible that a much larger number may have experienced second-hand contact with his statements.

The staff of Burgess Hospital in Onawa have released a checklist of warning signs.  You may have had casual contact with his words if you experience:

• sudden onsets of nausea
• uncontrolled weeping
• feelings of hopelessness
• compulsion to reckless behavior, such as playing the lottery or watching TV infomercials.

If you notice any of these symptoms, you are encouraged to seek professional help as soon as possible.  A special hotline for "Victims of Bellow" has been established, but the number was not available at press time.