"If my earlier comments offended anyone, I am sorry.
"I might have made an unfortunate choice of words, but I'm sure members of my base knew exactly my intentions.
"I depend upon the short memories of the larger electorate to insure my victory in the fall."
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| Four Slices of Baloney! |
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| Sarah Anchorage |
"I'm very pleased that Flain understands how important his new position is to me. I plan to work even more closely with him in future, and have moved his desk to a spot outside my office door.
"Unfortunately, Flain will not have the personal resources to finish his investigative work on the Bogo case. His time will be in great demand, and priority calls need to be made."
Kudos, Sarah!
- The adult human body contains about 5 quarts of blood. An adult chimpanzee has only about 3 quarts.
- If placed in a well-sealed vacuum bag, meat will last over two years in the freezer.
- To remove pet hair from washable garments, add 1/2 cup of white distilled vinegar to your washer's rinse cycle. This helps the fabric fibers relax and release the hair.
- To clean and "freshen" your butcher block, use a solution of 1/2 cup peroxide, 1 cup water and a tablespoon of dish detergent. Scrub with a soft brush and let dry overnight.
King's English (Tuesday, March 18, 2014)Once again, the P-I leads the way in breaking news. A semi-legitimate news source ran the following story on Friday, March, 21st, a perfect follow-up to our story Monday:
To the Editor:
I just watched a newscast about a body being found near Blencoe, Iowa. (link - ed.)
I was surprised that the Pre-Intelligencer didn't cover the story. What gives?
Kendall,Orange City, Iowa
"As I have re-envisioned it, Angels In America is the rollicking tale of two best friends as they face the challenges of healthcare during the Obama administration. During the story, they encounter unusual people, situations, and undergarments that can only be called Disneyesque.
"There's a funny-crazy assortment of characters: a ghost, a penguin, people from Salt Lake City, and a grouchy old Democratic politician who learns the error of his ways.
"At heart, Angels is the story of a mother's unconditional love for her son, and the exciting experiences she has when she meets the head angel!
"I think one of the funniest scenes is when the mother first drives into Onawa with Utah plates and immediately gets a speeding ticket!"
"Our prejudice against the Irish has been based on ignorance and bigotry. The Irish have been persecuted through hurtful slurs and falsehoods.Hillendale expressed hope that inclusion in the Gay Pride Parade would be an important step in the acceptance of the Irish.
"Through a renewed sense of tolerance and acceptance, we can all feel the pain of our Irish brothers and sisters:
"Of the heartbreak of the loss of a beloved Irish partner, made even worse when their family will not allow them to drink at the wake,
"Of those who must conceal their Irishness from members of their church, fearful that they will be rejected by that congregation,
"Of young Irish boys and girls who are taunted and bullied in school locker rooms for their red hair and pale skin.
"We celebrate the courage of the men and women that face that difficult conversation with their parents:
"Mom, Dad ... I'm Irish."
"We look forward to the day when the Irish have all the rights of any American, including the right to get married ...
"Not to each other, and not anytime soon ... but eventually."
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| Sign from Last Year's Gay Pride Parade |
"I'm happy to announce the selection of Susan Dunham to carry forth the vital monitoring of all communications at the Pre-Intelligencer. In addition to this task, Sue is responsible for many other efforts at the local branch of the NSA, and will only be able to focus on the Pre-Intelligencer on a part-time basis."Smith noted that Sue would be available to the Pre-Intelligencer every third Thursday of the month from 9:00 a.m. until 11:30 a.m.
"In response to local media pressure, the NSA will begin to monitor all communications of the Sioux City Pre-Intelligencer and staff. We are currently reviewing our personnel levels and hope to announce staffing of this effort in the near future. We can not promise full-time monitoring due to recent budget cutbacks, but, be assured, we will raise our surveillance levels of the journal to near-parity.
" In the meantime, we encourage all staff of the Pre-Intelligencer to speak slowly and clearly when making phone calls and to make sure they spell-check all emails and text messages."
"Speaking for the Sioux City Pre-Intelligencer, we find it inexcusable that we should have been passed over in this intelligence campaign. The ownership and staff of the journal should be considered just as suspicious as any other citizen of this great country.In an interview exclusive to the Pre-Intelligencer, Buttwinder said he intends to seek a legal remedy to this situation.
"Since the NSA is spying on every other news source in the U.S., how embarrassing it would be to miss a "red flag" originating in Siouxland. There is always the possibility that the Pre-Intelligencer may run a story of nation interest, or be chosen as a conduit by a highly-placed administration leaker.
"We demand that the NSA take immediate steps to include the Sioux City Pre-Intelligencer in its monitoring program."
"Tomorrow, I will be filing a complaint with the Woodbury County Small Claims Court. As we speak, my staff are researching legaldocs.com to determine the best approach for our suit."
